Crapping Time
Dare to compare the difference in demeanor between the employee who is entering the bathroom to take a piss and the employee who is entering the bathroom to take a dump. It is truly fascinating, especially when it is the same person, and only mere hours apart. Happy, jovial, frolicking into the bathroom at roughly the same time, the piss-bound patron is chatting up a storm today, "Hey Jay, how's it going, are you in LRP again today?" This type of bathroom enthusiasm begs to be matched, so I do, and then we're off into a hearty conversation about this and that, followed by hand-washing, drying, holding the door for each other, parting words.
A couple hours later I am walking into the bathroom again at roughly the same time as they are, only now they are walking very slowly, as though concentrating very intently on a difficult problem of some sort. They don't offer up any sort of greeting and when, upon seeing my bathroom buddy from mere hours before, I yell, "Hey man! How's it going!" they continue to stare dead-pan straight ahead and mumble an empty "good" on their slow march toward the toilets. I closely watch the dread and disappointment in their every step, as if walking the last few feet of a plank. "Man are you all right?" No response, just a timid closing of the door, a latch of a lock, and the unbuckling of a belt that is my signal to leave right away, or at least to start making some sort of cover noise like repeatedly flushing the nearest urinal or loudly crumpling the paper I am using to dry my hands. I live across the street from work and therefore never have to endure this mental inconvenience, but I like to think I would have the strength to blast into the bathroom with my hands in the air, beaming with happiness, "Hey guys, I guess it's crapping time!"
- Friday, July 27, 2007 at 22:37
